Mom, I Know You're There.

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Originally Posted: Tue, 11 Mar 16:38 CDT
Mom, I know you're there.
Date: 2008-03-11, 4:38PM CDT


Mom, I know you’re out there, reading this.

How do I know you’re out there?

Let’s begin with that ad of mine that you recently responded to, shall we? You know the one I’m talking about. It was entitled, “Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?—m4w--22” That ad ran for three days before I got a response, and I can’t tell you, Mom, how my heart fell when I saw the photo that accompanied the response. It was your Realtor’s headshot, the one on your business card. Even worse was the text of your response. I’m so, so sorry I know now what you’d do to me if we ever “hooked up.” On the other hand, Dad must’ve been a very, very lucky guy back in the day. I dunno, maybe he still is.

I guess, Mom, when I think a bit about it, that I should resign myself to whatever it is that you are doing. After all, you’re an adult and I’m an adult. I can’t tell you what you should do with your life.

But Mom, I’d like to raise a few points.

The first point I’d like to raise is that you’re still married to Dad. Please, please PLEASE tell me that you have his blessing. My mind is reeling now, hoping that you’re not the people who posted “Fun Couple Looking For Others—MW4MW—57” I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that it is you. Now that I know you’re cruising CE, I suspect that there aren’t too many other 57 year old swingers from the Westlake area posting on Craigslist.

The second point I’d like to raise is that you owe it to whoever you’re trying to hook up with to be honest. I mean, I lived with you and Dad for 18 years. You’re not that fun.

Finally, I’d like you to stop responding to my “College Stud Needs a MILF—m4w—22” ads. The only one who should find you to be MILF-y at all is Dad. For me, you are just an “M”. Got it?

Your son.

PS. I’m going to swing by at around 7-7:30-ish to do a load of wash, is that okay? I tried to call you at the office, but they kept telling me that you’re busy.


* Location: Austin
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Against Stupidity, Part 2

I hate to go over a topic that's already been pretty well covered, but I'm afraid there's something going on in the world. I think the stupid people have gotten stupider, and the really stupid people have just gone plain crazy. What could it be? Sun spots? Dramatic shift in the lunar orbit? Is there a large group of people out there trying to quit smoking and taking Chantix and going completely nuts?

I know that lots of people in Cambodia smoke, but is a drug-induced hysteria any excuse to shove a high-pressure air hose up your five-year-old's asshole?

A Cambodian father and mechanic learned the hard way not to inflate children when he inserted an air hose designed to fill car tires into his 5-year-old son's anus and blew him up, local media reported on Thursday.

The Khmer-language Rasmei Kampuchea daily reported Try Sienghym was "playing" with his son Sok Sambo when the incident took place.

The paper said the child's stomach became distended and his concerned mother rushed him to hospital, where he remains in a stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.

"The father very much regrets playing like this now," the paper quoted a family member as saying.

I'll bet he does, especially because people the world over are mulling over the question of whether he's tragically stupid, or criminally psychotic.

Do you think these morons regret digging up a random grave and decapitating a corpse for the sole purpose of making a bong out of it?



Again, I must note that most people don't attempt to inflate their children anally or abuse corpses to get high, but as I've shown here, some people do.

Could we be facing a national crisis, a plague of idiocy sweeping across this great land? I think, perhaps, it's a possibility. Or, perhaps, it's just an election year.

You Can Tell By The Look On His Face...

...that it's totally true.