The End Is Near (The 711 On Powell Blvd. Near The Seafood Market )

Folks, I've got some bad news. No, Prince hasn't mentioned anything to the press about what hapenned between you two last weekend, It's much worse that that. In case you didn't know it, today is the last day in the world.

Today, March 25, 2006, is the last day of our collective lives.

Former French military air traffic controller and senior airport manager, Eric Julien, several years ago completed a study of the comet “73P Schwassmann-Wachmann” and warned us that a fragment of this "perambulating ice-ball" is highly likely to impact the Earth on or around Thursday, May 25, 2006. The cpmet, discovered by Arnold Schwassermann and Arno Arthur Wachmann in 1930, has an orbital period of just less than 5.3 years and comes nearest to the Earth every 16 years.

It has followed this five-year orbit intact for centuries, but in 1995, it mysteriously fragmented. Sure, you might say, that happens all the time, right? Yes it does, but Mr. Julien reeeeeally wants us to worry about it. He says that some fragments are too small to observe (duh. -ed.) but while astronomers have predicted possible meteor showers as some cometary debris enters the atmosphere, they tell us that the comet poses no direct threat.

Mr. Julien, however, has real evidence for his Doomsday scenario. He chooses not to rely only on paltry facts and figures, and statistics for his conclusions, he has employed the latest, greatest, and most advanced technology availbale to mankind.

This very year, a “crop circle” appeared showing the inner Solar System with the Earth missing from its orbit, he concludes that this was a message from higher intelligences warning humanity of the consequences of its destructive nuclear policies, all of this tied in to the Bush administration's policy of preemptive use of nuclear weapons against Iran and the effect of nuclear weapons on the realms of higher intelligences, blah blah blah addicted to oil blah blah blah 2/3 of the world's resources blah blah Kyoto treaty blah blah blah.

According to Mr. Julien, “We have to save lives when we have such information to share with the public."

The question you must ask yourself is, when have the crop circles ever been wrong?

Mr. Julien assures us that the comet-fragments will fall into the Atlantic Ocean between the Equator and the Tropic of Cancer, though he says that will generate 700-foot waves, so let's not start craking open the cold ones just yet. He tells us that "each person with this information has to take responsibility to warn potential victims."

Check out his article "May 25, 2006: The Day of Destiny"

Doomsayers have been around for as long as man himself, and, much like virtually every other form of hoo-ha and codswallop that people constantly fall for, they have always employed the same basic tactic: predict something catastrophically horrific that will more than likley claim millions of lives, or perhaps all of them, a reeeeally long time in the future to scare the pants off people and get the to buy your books on how to stop it. Then, assuming your even alive by the time this date rolls around, make sure to have dropped the subject and moved onto something even more catastrophic and horrible, so its not a big let down when you refuse to aswer inane questions from your detractors like, "what the fuck were you thinking?" and "can I have my eight dollars back?"

I can't decide if I feel pity for this poor French sap because he missed Successful Doomsaying for Fun and Profit 101, or if I feel slightly more respect for this guy than all the other toe-heads because even on this very day (according to him 48 window of possibility) he's still sticking to his guns

Nope, still pity.