The fetching Mrs. Sonnier sent an email to me this morning asking for my impression. The email is reproduced below, unedited.
From the June 2006 Idaho Observer:
Aspartame - The World's Best Ant Poison
contributed by Jan Jensen of WELLthy Choices.
We live in the woods and carpenter ants are a huge problem. We have spentthousands of dollars with Orkin and on ant poisons trying to keep themunder control but nothing has helped. So when I read somewhere that aspartame (Nutrasweet) was actually developed as an ant poison and only changed tobeing considered non-poisonous after it was realized that a lot moremoney could be made on it as a sweetener than as an ant poison, I decided to give it a try. I opened two packets of aspartame sweetener, and dumpedone in a corner of each of our bathrooms. That was about 2 years ago andI have not seen any carpenter ants for about 9 to 12 months.
It works better than the most deadly poisons I have tried. Any time theyshow up again, I simply dump another package of Nutrasweet in a corner,and they will be gone for a year or so again. Since posting this information I have had many people tell me of their success solving antproblems with this substance, when nothing else worked. We found laterthat small black ants would not eat the aspartame. It was determined that if you mixed it with apple juice, they would quickly take it back to thenest, and all would be dead within 24 hours, usually. I have found thatsometimes it will kill them, and sometimes it does not. Not sure why, may be slightly different species of ants or something.
Fire Ants: We got our first fire ant hill about 2 weeks ago. Poison didnot work. We tried aspartame and the ants ignored it until we got a lightrain. It was just a sprinkle, enough to moisten the Nutrasweet and ground,but not enough to wash it away. They went crazy, hundreds of them grabbingit and aking it back into the mound. When I checked he mound 2 days later, there was no sign of the fire ants. I even dug the mound up some, and still saw none of them.
How does it Work: Aspartame is a neuropoison. It most likely kills the ants byinterfering with their nervous system. It could be direct, like stopping their heart, or
something more subtle like killing their sense of taste so they can't figure out what iseatable, or smell, so they can't follow their trails, or mis-identify their colonies members, so they start fighting each other. Not sure what causesthem to end up dying, just know that for many species of ants it willkill them quickly and effectively.
As with any poison I recommend wearing gloves and washing any skin areas that come in contact with this poison, and avoid getting it in your mouth, despite anything the labeling may indicate.
Curious, I thought, and dug deeper into the miasma that is the Internet. I found the original article, indeed printed in the Idaho Observer in June 2006. Just to give you a quick impression of this publication, you’ll find other articles with names like ""The Tyranny of Modern Medicine," "Foreigners Buying Up American Roads & Bridges," "The Miraculous Healing Power of Oak Bark," "America: Freedom to Fascism," "Chemical Control of the Mass American Mind," and many more. We can safely assume this monthly newsletter is printed on an Epson Stylus 860 in the underground bomb shelter of a man that possesses an extensive aluminum foil wardrobe.
Having determined that the Idaho Observer is your run-of-the-mill, brain-dead conspiracy theory/ alternative healthcare drivel, I delved further to find more info on the article’s author.
Ms. Jan Jenson is a "health coach," whatever the fuck that means, and operates a blog called "Wellthy Choices" where pretty much all she does is try and whip up aspartame hysteria and hock a dietary supplement called "E3: The Most Vital Wild-Grown Superfood on the Planet!" In case you’re wondering, it’s seaweed.
Well, not much interesting info there, so I jumped back into the deep end, where all I found were endless "modern health" discussion forums where asshole after asshole had simply cut and past Ms. Jenson's article (spelling errors and all) into a post, which was followed by endless antecdotal responses like, "My dog one ate a packet of Nutrasweet and vomited up a tennis ball! I’m never drinking that stuff again!"
And then I found this on Spoof.com:
(In case you are not aware, TheSpoof.com is very much like The Onion)
FDA Certifies Aspartame as Ant Poison
WASHINGTON (AP)—The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has certified the popular sweetener aspartame, also known as NutraSweet, as an ant poison."Aspartame was originally developed as an ant poison and it was only changed to being non-poisonous after it was realized that a lot more money could be made on it as a sweetener," said FDA chief Ralph Roachman. "We are just notifying the public and industry about the original and best use of this stuff."He continued, "That crap kills ants dead. It works on carpenter ants, silverfish, roaches, and almost anything in fact. You just gotta open a coupla packets of aspartame sweetener and dump them in a corner of each of the rooms with the infestation. It works better than the most deadly poisons we have tried. Any time they show up again, simply dump another package of NutraSweet in a corner, and they will be gone for a year or so."
The FDA found that certain types of insects like small black ants will not eat the aspartame, but scientists determined that if you mix it with apple juice, they would quickly take it back to the nest, and "all would be dead within 24 hours."Aspartame is also effective against fire ants, but the poison may not work until it is lightly sprinkled with a light rain or a garden hose, with just enough water so as to not wash it away. One FDA technician observed, "After I wetted the NutraSweet the fire ants went crazy with hundreds of them grabbing it and taking it back into their mound. When I checked the mound 2 days later, there was no sign of the fire ants. I even dug the mound up some, and still saw none of them."FDA scientists know that aspartame is a neuropoison which kills ants by disrupting their nervous system and their hearts and their senses."Ants start acting weird, they begin fighting and having wars, and they end up dying," noted an FDA research paper.
An FDA consumer guide on the use of the poison recommends wearing gloves and washing any skin areas that come in contact with it since it is so toxic, and avoid getting it in your mouth, despite what consumer labeling may indicate. Aspartame is also effective against other insects such as yellow jackets, wasps, praying mantises, and certain other higher lifeforms.
In case you haven’t realized, or maybe too much saccharin has affected your attention span, Ms. Jan Jenson plagairized, virtually word for word (with the addition of numerous, unforgivable grammatical errors), an article from TheSpoof.com, without realizing that it was a joke.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you believe just anything that you read in the mass emails that are forwarded to you by your nervous Aunt Tilly, you are dumber than even the OTR Institute can assuage. You’re the kind of person that buys those curly shoelace things because you can’t remember what hole the rabbit goes into. You’re the type of guy that keeps a lot of rubber coated spoons in the house because if you lost another eye, they would fire you from the Sierra Club board of directors.
You define stupidity, and you have an obligation to kill yourself immediately, if only to spare the rest of us from having to change your diapers and explain to you where toast comes from.
To you, Jan Jenson, I call you to the carpet to answer these allegations. You are an fool because you thought no one would ever find out what you did, and you are a fear-monger because you try to take advantage of people’s lack of information to sell them grass in a capsule. Unfortunately, the type of people that read publications like the Idaho Observer are not interested in truth, only the twisted bits of fabricated bullshit that people like you disseminate, and would never think to check your facts, or even questions your motives.
And to you, the editors of the Idaho Observer, the tracking device was implanted inside of your eyes, see if you can guess which one!
As an aside, I would like to state that these bloodsuckers find it so easy to spread this misinformation simply because this is such an inconceivably inconsequential issue. If you're interested in reading some actual facts about aspartame (and god help us if you are) you can find them here:
American Council on Science & Health
United States Food & Drug Administration
Health Canada
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