Why is it that everyone that’s been to Burning Man always says it started to suck, or got too big, or too corporate, immediately after the last time they attended?

If fuel efficiency, not fashion, is really the singular reason behind their purchase, why is the Toyota Prius, with its goofy, futuristic stylings, outselling the Honda Civic Hybrid, which looks identical to the conventional Civic, two to one?

If a tree fell in the woods, and then got right back up again, would the squirrels freak out?

Why is it when a human face emerges from two dots and a line :) it’s cute chat speak, but when a human face emerges from a crusty salt stain, it’s the miraculous work of God Almighty?

Why does the Post Office open an hour after I start my workday, close the minute I get off work, and still complain to the budget committee about dwindling usage, shrinking income and the need to raise postal rates?

Why do hippies and busybodies constantly complain that Americans don’t eat enough fruits and vegetables and then try to push for %100 “organic” farming’s %40 yield compared to conventional methods?

Why do some people revile the pharmaceutical industry, the most heavily regulated and controlled industry in the world, but celebrate the herbal supplement and “alternative medicine” industry that not only doesn’t have to prove that Ginko Biloba makes you any smarter, they don’t even have to prove that there’s any actual Ginko Biloba in the fucking bottle?

Why do hippies and busybodies march in the streets, sit in traffic lanes, and throw jars of peanut butter at police officers, and expect Mr. John Q. Public, who’s stuck in the traffic jam they caused, to pull the lever for their philosophy in the voting booth?

Why do men have nipples?

If Daylight Savings Time was introduced to counteract the daylight-sapping effect of our season changes, wouldn’t Arizona, which does not participate, be several years behind the rest of us by now?

Does anyone believe a statement that has the words “fresh,” “pastry,” and “7-11” in it?

Does cheese float? If so, even Swiss?