That's a Dog in a Rat Suit!

Wading through as much online drivel as I do, as posted by the breatharians, creationists, Kabballah mephistos and fans of audiobooks, I rarely come across anything that truly shocks me. Even after researching for my recent post on the more amusing aspects of capitalism, even I could not be prepared for the nonsense of Attackchi.org.



Don't click on the link immediately, just look at the photo and try to guess what the page you are about to visit is all about. Could it be that this person has bred the perfect genetic bastard of a Doberman and a Great Northern Black Bear? Perhaps the site provides contact and booking information for The Amazing Rando, New Zealand's greatest midget illusionist, able to perform incredible feats of prestidigitation, though tragically afflicted with extreme osteoporosis and severe lycanthropism!

In my home town of Crowley, Louisiana (Crowley Clique, represent!) we celebrate the harvest every year with the annual Rice Festival. What traveling carnival would be complete without a few booths boasting the most amazing and rare creatures, captured at great peril, from the deeps of the savage jungle? We paid our $2.00, and stepped in line, and slowly scooted forward for our turn to see the "World's Largest Rat," swaying occasionally from coconut rum and Milwaukie's Best. When our group of four or five guys got to the enclosed viewing area, we all fixed our eyes on what looked like a nutria the size of a Labrador, quietly napping in the corner of the metal box where it lived. Somehow, the claim that it "savagely devoured twenty pounds of raw meat every day" seemed a bit exaggerated. One in our group, Kyle Hodges, if memory serves me correctly, swaying back and forth, his hands gripping the rail with white-hot intensity, looks at us all in utter rage and yells, "That's not a rat! That's a dog in a rat suit!"

My favorite line of Attackchi.org: "Take your dog outside and spray it black."